I`m feeling kinda wierd today..i have this feeling that whoever i made friends with, they will avoid me days, months or years........ Why must that happen to me? All i did was to be myself, only to realised i`ve been spurned.... have anyone actually considered my feelings? I wanna change my bad habits, but people should understand that i aint a person who would change my views about something, nor i am easily changed...i need time, not months but years, it takes years to nurture one`s thinking, one`s character, one`s ideas.....even one`s appearance, it doesnt take an overnight change, a leopard do change its spots, only that it cannot be seen easily, just like a person`s character, when they tried hard to change, only to be detered by people around them, they just lost hope altogether.

People ask me to get a steady girlfriend, but I think i`m ugly, has anyone i`m in love with ever showed care to me? its a NO....i dunno whether will i really get to be united with my soulmate...i think i should go overseas to chill, i love going overseas, i can leave my troubles behind and enjoy life like its starting over again...i wish...no i want to live in a place where my troubles actually doesnt co-exist with my life.....will that be possible...i have questioned myself....i wanna surface in a world where love r an a freedom of expression, i dun wanna it to disappear...but sometimes i just wanna kill everyone who had been loved in a sense, the sensous kind, the ever-lasting kind, the magickal kind.....yup my macabre self wanna surface to the world, to kill everyone who prevented love for me and anyone who has been loved....then my sadness would be resolved..... okz...peace out......

kkk, gotta admit, i did not really put my heart and soul into watever i have been doing, i do wish i have a goal to push myself, but i just dun have the heart to really study the subjects required. Sometimes i wonder why am i have such an attitude towards things, especially major exams, perhaps of my laziness, yet it could be my gullibility.... I love trying new things, especially things that had nothing to do with the world today, social norms and stuff people considered normal, i wanna be extraordinary and special, not to my friends but to myself. I wanna be true to myself, but the confusions kept coming to me!! Wat am i to do, stay and allow it to swallow me, or fight back and emerge victorious? i would rather choose the latter, coz life is indeed an experience and hurdle before we can pass to the next level! Trust is the word that i avoid, i would like to trust people wholeheartedly, but unluckily i can`t, its coz of the environment and the way that i was being treated... when i feel threatened, i retreat to a secluded place, unbeknown to the outside situation, my heart is protected by steel, but i left one part out, why? i don`t know, but maybe just one day i can figure it out, its a puzzle indeed! (To those reading this, i ain`t schizophrenic. Thank You!)

Now now, the NDP preview was way too exciting to talk about, but never did I ever experienced such dullness in some of its programs. Yaya, people saying its just a free ticket, what more should i expect anyway? Ye can say that again, but i dun mind! Okz, anyway, the preview was on 31 July 2004, which was two days ago....It started with a bid to heighten the energy of the crowd and i was kinda excited about the show, the part showing the army welcoming the president amd the MPs, but all i saw was some soldiers holding a sign indicating he is an MP, i was laughing away because of that, after that, the Total Defence display, it was kinda cool, and very good indeed. Here comes the Wings to Soar, now thats what i call appreciating the Arts, my cousin was in it...anyway, it was cool, then the time for the mixture of NPCC and NCC performing some kinda martial arts, displaying thier guts and furor withj the highest of spirits, but, unfortunately, some of them got the wrong colour, what a shame, lol, some singing segment with Lin Jun Jie, then Kit Chan with her original version of "Home", Ju Jie was singing it like a rock 'n' roll song, lol, the time for the balls to roll down came, and this time, it showed the very true colours of the motivators, they aren`t what they r supposed to do, but instead dampened our mood by selfishly rolling the balls down themselves, how typically f***** up can they be, freaks! My mom didn`t even had the chance to touch the balls!! Well, the part where they show this year`s theme, A Progressive Society, first up with a group of people dancing, apparently multi-racial, then a whole cohort of our National flower and some other flowers, they light up beautifully with the dark sky, then the fire-works display, i was indeed beautiful....the whole celebration ended with a sing-a-long session.....Ahh, tiring day.... Now, to check the goodies inside our bags, wow, there r much more items than last years! The bags r bigger, everything tantamounts to a BIG Storeroom of goodies!! Anyway, time to say Ja Ne, gonna sleep, cya volks!!