Hey Bitches, I'm back!

Of course, Gossip Girl influence not withstanding, there have been couple of alterations to my lifestyle since my last blog entry and I feel, for a lack of a better word, very much adjusted to the state of things. With University being a dominant aspect of my life right now, the reduced blog entries just meant that I have more time for other pursuits such as socialising (making connections), studying and working on my latest project, which will be released soon in due time.

Something to do with fashion and Luxury: they are a full force when mixed together! Til then!

XOXO

One month into living a peripathetic existence,
I foresaw my gypsy inclinations,
Do allow my transgressions,
into your territory.
Live.
Now.

Seasons by seasons my heart goes unheard,
in the yellowed leaves I plea for thee,
that winter bequeathed a timely cold,
to freeze the heart and let it go,
tis the time for a relentless blizzard,
the barren mother a souless ghost,
Unmoved and unconcerned.

It's been a long time since I've last blogged. Well, not so long but a month's worth isn't something to be proud of anyway.

Let me see what I have been really busy with...

Work.

Renovating the new house.

My own room! Like, finally!!!!!

But it still sucks. (Don't ask me why)

Contemplating on how many ways I can commit suicide without making it look like one. Dying the "natural" way should be on my death certificate right? Don't anyone wish for that? To me that would be great.

Taking care of my wonderful sister who is about to give birth in about a month. Exact date is stipulated to be on the second week of September! Oh I can't wait!! I kept thinking about how my nephew would look like... How his character would be and what joy he would give us!!! Woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, that's about it. I'm actually a freaking boring person

No matter how much you would push me away, I'll still love the way I did since our relationship... I REALLY DO! Please accept me back into your life...

Nothing is impermanent. But love is eternal til it's owners die, then it becomes void.

Wow! Some choice songs to show how you feel, or should I say that's how I feel now.

"Not ready to make nice"

"Without you"

Both by Dixie Chicks, videos from Youtube. Such a nice voice, lyrics rocking, score superb, what else?

Enjoy your Sunday while you can.

It has been almost nine months since her departure. I can't fathom the feeling of emptiness inside that has been raging since that fateful day.

Yes, emptiness.

Someone who has never been left alone in his life due to the many wonderful moments with friends and family just felt empty, and lonely. Someone who just wanna have fun and ignore his depression just couldn't let go of this new and alien emotion. It is as if years of building forts around my heart has been left in vain. The invasion of this bug couldn't have been more subtle in its war against the host. Bit by bit, the durability started wearing off, revealing slowly but surely, bits of naked flesh. Before long the tall walls have been reduced to ruins. What could be more stronger than the Great Wall? Definitely not this one, even when a saying denounce the weakness of the heart as nothing but an illusion.

After the walls had collapsed, the bug went into it's mission: to eat the heart alive. To suck on it's essence, to feed on it's life. The battle has just began.

Inevitably, the alien just took over the dying life form, controlling it's every movement and stealing it of its most attractive and functional qualities. The parasite has gain authority. It is up to the life form to fight it, but for it to start building up an army, it must feed on the love from others.

It soon got back it's momentum, creating a force which started purging the parasitic organism. But not long before it was too late. One of the generous ones whom he has been feeding on starting vanishing, turning into vapour and finally into nothingness. It has disappeared, leaving nothing but memories to cling on to. The mark left proved to be indelible, causing the being to grief.

But the love fed from the others did not stop, thereby bringing the bug to full submission. This began his journey to recovery.

My life is a web of failures,
not worth a second glance,
this I wish not take a chance,
the glowing need to unleash death,
unto the self.

Selfish. The world has it's most advanced creature torturing it's people and nature with blatant selfishness.









Respect. The respect left in the population has diminished. What is left is hatred for kind and delusions in the minds...







Watch and enjoy......................

Tomorrow's Mothers' Day. But do people cherish and love their life-giver? I don't know much about you guys' devotion to your mum or lack there-of, but I know I do. I treasure the every moment we shared with the family, be it clashing of ideals or the sweet little family moments (ie. dinners, birthdays, events).

I remember Mothers' Day every year to be a really festive occasion, much more meaningful than Christmas or Chinese New Year combined. Relatives from the maternal side would congregate at my grandmother's house. Cousins I've not seen for ages, aunties and uncles whose names I barely get hold of. This is it, the celebration of Life, of maternal care, of love, of concern, of the everything given to us and of the women in our lives. Which brings me to the Mothers' Day celebrations my maternal grandmother had organised a few days ago.

Though the celebrations wasn't anything too regal, it was filled with much laughter and joy. The atmosphere could be compared to a wedding banquet, sans the fanfare and the expensive food. But an element was terribly missing, to the extent of undue silence even. Something or someone seem to be missing in the picture. It was awkward for us. My grandmother seems to be filled with even more emotion when the time bids us to go. Heartwrenching as it was, life still has to go on. Some things are better left unsaid. But what raced through my mind throughout the celebrations and after was the reminder of how our family's "love from above" brought us much happiness within the occasion, which could be felt from the relatives too.

(Lazy to continue......)

Special

Nothing

At

All
.
.
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What if we could turn back time to change things? What if we have the intuitive ability to predict what is unpredictable? Would I have known to treasure the ones around me? Sometimes it gets tiring. People in, people out. Subjective happiness isn't all that it seems. We can't just live the way we want to, concessions should be made, decision shouldn't be swift.


Incoherent thoughts I say. Mumbo Jumbo, gibberish, trash machine? Or an Autodiktat to take misery out of your life? I really can't the light at the end of the tunnel. Everytime I saw what seems to be the end of the tunnel, it turns out to be lighted matchsticks which serves to fool you into delusion. You thought it's game over, but it just doesn't stop there. The game goes on. The only way of maneuvering out of this tunnel is to play dead, or till the day you die. There isn't any hard and durile rules and regulations. You just take a step at a time. Until death realises it's arrival, you'd still be in the maze. That's right, it ain't exactly a tunnel, it's a maze with many traps.

If you think you could traipse through these amazing little hellhole, well, you are terribly wrong. You see, slaying inner demons isn't as bad as what these shitholes could do to you. Some shreds you into a pulp so that you can't put yourself together, some have psychedelic patterns to amaze you to no end, so as to counter your will to get out of it; such ingenuity, such god-like mechanism. But the most dangerous one is the one that you can never get out of, you drown or you suffer. The only device is to invoke your will-power, your motivative approaches.

The best hellhole and the least dangerous one is the one which places you in shit, then teleports you out of it back into your life of a maze. Ah, if only some of the badly hit ones could resurface and restart, or even wish for the angelic orifice: life would be re-born.

I've sorta lost the will to blog. My muse has disappear somehow, still waiting for her to come back. Or has it gone with her? I hope it would come back... sigh...

WHERE AM I?

Sacrifice

Are there anything else more pronounced and important as the word "Sacrifice"? Why do we make sacrifices? What is sacrifice? Why make it the most oft-used word on earth? Why not "regrets", give-and-take, or other more plebian words come out of our mouth? Is sacrifice that important? Why does it lead us to make the unexpected happen, the expected to be wiped away like sweat and the ominous to assume form? It is that surly sense of trying to outdo the impossible with tarradiddles and a false sense of insecurity that enables us to foremost use sacrifice as a form of give-and-take. Sacrifices makes us feel important.

"Oh, let me be the one to take the rap" "Gimme some credo, I'll do your shit" "I want nothing from you, I just wanna do something for you"

Sounds familiar? I can gauge that, on a scale of one to five, I say you are a lousy, fucking piece of shitass tramp. Happiness seems to always get in the way of sacrifice eh? "Oh, my happiness meant nothing more than your satisfaction" Total bollocks. Stop betraying yourself, look yourself in the mirror and say that your lies are ludicriously some sort of God-given truths!

I used to be the sort who thinks that life is all about sacrifices. Everything I do, I do it for my loved ones, without much care of a form of repayment or consequences. I might have appeared selfish, but trust me, I do contemplate all possibilities though it does appear to be in my favour. I guess most situations tend to bring me into the light as a villain. My dreams seem stupid, if not, incredulous, to those who are my blood kin. They persuade me to give it up, so I did. I thought I should continue with the business of pleasing everyone in my spectrum, including total strangers. But now it seems, all the delusions shall be vanquished. I should not be living in sacrifice, a life of sacrifices isn't worth it. If I die a sad man, I won't. I will live up to my name, of being adventurous and tongue-in-cheek. I can soar above the skies without the help of those detractors. I can do without sacrifices!! I shall live like a gypsy! Seek freedom, breathe freedom, relinquish a world of biding.

More importantly, be my own Autodiktat.

Meow I

It has been almost a week since her passing. The withering plants and hibernating bears seems to have gained a new light as the plants began to produce little studs of what seems like leaves while the bears awake from their deep slumber. A new beginning has come. The Dad went from wallowing in self-pity to drowning sorrow in red poison. I still can't think of a better word than this: self destruction. Maybe self-destruction would suffice into transformation, and from there, like the almost awaken bear, a new cycle of stuffing berries and fish into your mouth for added warmth and pounds to ward off danger. The bears think about it's previous endeavors like its adventure through rough terrains and naked lakes to search for food. Juxtapose against this is the yearning for Her, as the Dad and probably the whole kindred recounts the blissful serenade of Her voice. The motherly care and love couldn't be more evident as every Christmas was a surprise; a party.

Everytime Her presence calls for a wide variety of socialising, food, dance and obvious merry-making. I couldn't have been here without her help, ipso facto. The beau ideal She advocate is a world of peace and harmony; of course, with as much hardwork as possible, one could soar above the endless sky and the ski across the eternal abyss of the vast ocean. One could not help but feel extremely at home with her. She is the Perfect Mother, a Mother Goddess now dare I say. Her then flowy hair and silky skin could pass of as a maiden, though the slight wrinkled hands She possess was due to the countless working hours in the office. She is the epitome of greatness, of balance and of capability. She inspired me with Her patience, Her prudence and her undying determination to pursue material nirvana for us. We could have easily be sleeping on the streets if not for her articulate attempts at ameliorating our lifestyles. The Dad could not have more agreed that with her calibre, the company would not have become what it now is: a stately and thriving business. The pain-staking hours she took to nurture us and at the same time work with conviction could no longer be retrieved. She has done her part and could now be assured of the future as we take over. Well, the Trinity, not more not less because I could not see myself in it. You can't call it THE Quartet can you?

(To be continued due to time constraint)

Do you feel that a lifetime of regrets would change things, or do you feel that a certain sense of sentimentality instead of pathos should coincide with your guilt and longing for a certain someone, be it a loved one or a total stranger? How do you feel if one day, that certain someone just disappears out of your life, with just nothing but memories to hold on to. Pictures disintegrate, yellowed and suspiciously looking downright silverfish bitten. Material possessions like handbags, clothes and perfumes started going missing, as if that someone had taken it back with them. Would people in their right mind start emulating the familiarity and intimacy established throughout their lives in their sleep?

We do not need a crash course to realise that such ideas are banal to our sense of well-being. Death is a realisation of truths, a transformation of the person and the people affected by his/her death. Nothing is impervious to aging, illness and finally, death. Why delve in memories and pathos when a future without the loved one meant a new beginning? Our constant attachment to a lost reality would only stifle growth and sanity. Sanity is a state of being and we can't just let it go just because of setbacks and tragedies. I want to learn to accept the process of death but how many could? When you helplessly look on as the gradual wane of the loved one's physical and mental state, it just became a vicious cycle until the day when the person just stopped breathing. You could do nothing, just stand there, try as you might a sudden rush of emnotions started clouding your perception. "Should I start cutting of their food supply?" "Should I kill her by drowning her with water into the lungs?" "Should I offer a pillow and strangle her?" Or should I look on as euthanasia would only cast me as a cold blooded murderer. You thought life still have to go on, just as flowers bloom and follow with wither.

Well, moving on is simply the solution. See beyond the facets of the process of death and death itself. It would take time but well, acceptance rather than blissful ignorance. Death transforms, we in turn get transformed with each passing day after the death of a loved one. In the end, both parties benefit, as the dead went onto life after death and we move onto better futures.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||| 50% Stability |||||||||||| 50% Orderliness |||||| 30% Accommodation |||||||||||||||| 63% Interdependence |||||||||||| 50% Intellectual |||||||||||||| 56% Mystical |||||||||||||||||| 76% Artistic |||||||||||||||| 70% Religious |||| 16% Hedonism |||||||||||| 43% Materialism |||||||||||||||| 63% Narcissism |||||||||| 36% Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Work ethic |||||||||||||||| 63% Self absorbed |||||||||||| 50% Conflict seeking |||||| 30% Need to dominate |||| 16% Romantic |||||||||||||||| 63% Avoidant |||||||||||| 43% Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 70% Wealth |||||||||||| 43% Dependency |||||||||| 36% Change averse |||||||||| 36% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||| 63% Individuality |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Sexuality |||||||||||| 43% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||| 63% Physical security |||||||||||||||||| 76% Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||| 64% Histrionic |||||||||| 36% Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 63% Vanity |||||| 30% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 63% Female cliche |||||| 23%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
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Forget the scuttlebutt, remove brashness.

I'm torn,
better not to be reborn,
life needs more than motivation,
wish to scour for more.

Why dead? Then why alive? What incumbent lies! How exuberant. That childhood. How foolish. My adolescence. Why even succumb to temptation when that itself only sinks into an abysmal joint?

How sweet. Tales of lies, trickling down ears. 10 twilights, 52 settings, intruding nights. If only the land of Milk and Honey would calm down. Insurgencies no matter what only comes in groups, not in a country steeped in antiquities! Why bother with missiles and weapons of destruction when death absconded? Just quit the ingenuous and greed surrounding the constitution. Give us a break and stop decades of sufferage and unjustified actions.

Autodikdat in the millieu of exuberance

Dead. Zombified. Nothing to say. The end. Taken out. Pushed to the limit. Asleep, Belly up, Bloodless, Blooey, Breathless, Buried, Cadaverous, Cold, Cut off, Deceased, Defunct, Departed, Done for, Erased, Expired, Extinct, Gone, Inanimate, Inert, Late, Lifeless, Liquidated, Mortified, No more, Not existing, Offed*, Passed away, Perished, Reposing, Rubbed out, Snuffed out, Spiritless, Stiff, Unanimated, Washed up, Wasted.

This is a list of the quizzes i had taken today, some were of course bullcrap but some were indeed true blue, kinda surprised but were expected answers. Enjoy!

Definitely a turn on people!

You Are a Goth!

You're so gothically outrageous, and you aren't afraid to flaunt it. Whether you dress up like Robert Smith or a tragic Little Bo Peep, chances are that you'll be parading around with the rest of the goths at Yoyogi Park on Sunday. Don't forget your white makeup and blue lipstick! Who knows? You may just get picked up by one of the seedy photographers.

What's Your Japanese Subculture?

C'est mour, look look look! I'm supposedly learning Deutsche, guess this quizz should be revised...lol

You Should Learn French

C'est super! You appreciate the finer things in life... wine, art, cheese, love affairs. You are definitely a Parisian at heart. You just need your tongue to catch up...

What Language Should You Learn?

Spot-on!

Your Personality Is

Rational (NT) You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas. You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy! Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people. In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally. You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought. Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals. In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent. At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia. With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well. As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly. On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.

The Three Question Personality Test

I don't change friends easily damn it!

How You Life Your Life

You have a good sense of self control and hate to show weakness. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly. Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Erm...let me consider.

Your Hidden Talent

You're super sensitive and easily able to understand situations. You tend to solve complex problems in a flash, without needing a lot of facts. Decision making is easy for you. You have killer intuition. The right path is always clear, and you're a bit of a visionary.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Argh! Where are the answers?

You Failed the US Citizenship Test

Oops, you only got 3 out of 10 right!

Could You Pass the US Citizenship Test?

Erm... am I?

You are an Atheist

When it comes to religion, you're a non-believer (simple as that). You prefer to think about what's known and proven. You don't need religion to solve life's problems. Instead, you tend to work things out with logic and philosophy.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

Hahaha! Yup and stop laughing already its true!

Your Blogging Type is Pensive and Philosophical

You blog like no one else is reading... You tend to use your blog to explore ideas - often in long winded prose. Easy going and flexible, you tend to befriend other bloggers easily. But if they disagree with once too much, you'll pull them from your blogroll!

What's Your Blogging Personality?

And to the point! Jerks shall f*** off and just go back to being a junk ok?

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead... But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself. You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place. You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

How Machiavellian Are You?

Anyway, this sums it all up with much accuracy and precision. The only reason I did these quizzes was to amuse and entertain my already bored mind. So to speak, the quizzes are short, so ye get ample time to do it! Thanks to Hana for the abolishing of boredom in my life! LOL! Love y'all!
Till then!