Seasons by seasons my heart goes unheard,
in the yellowed leaves I plea for thee,
that winter bequeathed a timely cold,
to freeze the heart and let it go,
tis the time for a relentless blizzard,
the barren mother a souless ghost,
Unmoved and unconcerned.

It's been a long time since I've last blogged. Well, not so long but a month's worth isn't something to be proud of anyway.

Let me see what I have been really busy with...

Work.

Renovating the new house.

My own room! Like, finally!!!!!

But it still sucks. (Don't ask me why)

Contemplating on how many ways I can commit suicide without making it look like one. Dying the "natural" way should be on my death certificate right? Don't anyone wish for that? To me that would be great.

Taking care of my wonderful sister who is about to give birth in about a month. Exact date is stipulated to be on the second week of September! Oh I can't wait!! I kept thinking about how my nephew would look like... How his character would be and what joy he would give us!!! Woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, that's about it. I'm actually a freaking boring person

No matter how much you would push me away, I'll still love the way I did since our relationship... I REALLY DO! Please accept me back into your life...

Nothing is impermanent. But love is eternal til it's owners die, then it becomes void.

Wow! Some choice songs to show how you feel, or should I say that's how I feel now.

"Not ready to make nice"

"Without you"

Both by Dixie Chicks, videos from Youtube. Such a nice voice, lyrics rocking, score superb, what else?

Enjoy your Sunday while you can.

It has been almost nine months since her departure. I can't fathom the feeling of emptiness inside that has been raging since that fateful day.

Yes, emptiness.

Someone who has never been left alone in his life due to the many wonderful moments with friends and family just felt empty, and lonely. Someone who just wanna have fun and ignore his depression just couldn't let go of this new and alien emotion. It is as if years of building forts around my heart has been left in vain. The invasion of this bug couldn't have been more subtle in its war against the host. Bit by bit, the durability started wearing off, revealing slowly but surely, bits of naked flesh. Before long the tall walls have been reduced to ruins. What could be more stronger than the Great Wall? Definitely not this one, even when a saying denounce the weakness of the heart as nothing but an illusion.

After the walls had collapsed, the bug went into it's mission: to eat the heart alive. To suck on it's essence, to feed on it's life. The battle has just began.

Inevitably, the alien just took over the dying life form, controlling it's every movement and stealing it of its most attractive and functional qualities. The parasite has gain authority. It is up to the life form to fight it, but for it to start building up an army, it must feed on the love from others.

It soon got back it's momentum, creating a force which started purging the parasitic organism. But not long before it was too late. One of the generous ones whom he has been feeding on starting vanishing, turning into vapour and finally into nothingness. It has disappeared, leaving nothing but memories to cling on to. The mark left proved to be indelible, causing the being to grief.

But the love fed from the others did not stop, thereby bringing the bug to full submission. This began his journey to recovery.

My life is a web of failures,
not worth a second glance,
this I wish not take a chance,
the glowing need to unleash death,
unto the self.

Selfish. The world has it's most advanced creature torturing it's people and nature with blatant selfishness.









Respect. The respect left in the population has diminished. What is left is hatred for kind and delusions in the minds...







Watch and enjoy......................

Tomorrow's Mothers' Day. But do people cherish and love their life-giver? I don't know much about you guys' devotion to your mum or lack there-of, but I know I do. I treasure the every moment we shared with the family, be it clashing of ideals or the sweet little family moments (ie. dinners, birthdays, events).

I remember Mothers' Day every year to be a really festive occasion, much more meaningful than Christmas or Chinese New Year combined. Relatives from the maternal side would congregate at my grandmother's house. Cousins I've not seen for ages, aunties and uncles whose names I barely get hold of. This is it, the celebration of Life, of maternal care, of love, of concern, of the everything given to us and of the women in our lives. Which brings me to the Mothers' Day celebrations my maternal grandmother had organised a few days ago.

Though the celebrations wasn't anything too regal, it was filled with much laughter and joy. The atmosphere could be compared to a wedding banquet, sans the fanfare and the expensive food. But an element was terribly missing, to the extent of undue silence even. Something or someone seem to be missing in the picture. It was awkward for us. My grandmother seems to be filled with even more emotion when the time bids us to go. Heartwrenching as it was, life still has to go on. Some things are better left unsaid. But what raced through my mind throughout the celebrations and after was the reminder of how our family's "love from above" brought us much happiness within the occasion, which could be felt from the relatives too.

(Lazy to continue......)

Special

Nothing

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What if we could turn back time to change things? What if we have the intuitive ability to predict what is unpredictable? Would I have known to treasure the ones around me? Sometimes it gets tiring. People in, people out. Subjective happiness isn't all that it seems. We can't just live the way we want to, concessions should be made, decision shouldn't be swift.


Incoherent thoughts I say. Mumbo Jumbo, gibberish, trash machine? Or an Autodiktat to take misery out of your life? I really can't the light at the end of the tunnel. Everytime I saw what seems to be the end of the tunnel, it turns out to be lighted matchsticks which serves to fool you into delusion. You thought it's game over, but it just doesn't stop there. The game goes on. The only way of maneuvering out of this tunnel is to play dead, or till the day you die. There isn't any hard and durile rules and regulations. You just take a step at a time. Until death realises it's arrival, you'd still be in the maze. That's right, it ain't exactly a tunnel, it's a maze with many traps.

If you think you could traipse through these amazing little hellhole, well, you are terribly wrong. You see, slaying inner demons isn't as bad as what these shitholes could do to you. Some shreds you into a pulp so that you can't put yourself together, some have psychedelic patterns to amaze you to no end, so as to counter your will to get out of it; such ingenuity, such god-like mechanism. But the most dangerous one is the one that you can never get out of, you drown or you suffer. The only device is to invoke your will-power, your motivative approaches.

The best hellhole and the least dangerous one is the one which places you in shit, then teleports you out of it back into your life of a maze. Ah, if only some of the badly hit ones could resurface and restart, or even wish for the angelic orifice: life would be re-born.

I've sorta lost the will to blog. My muse has disappear somehow, still waiting for her to come back. Or has it gone with her? I hope it would come back... sigh...

WHERE AM I?